


Two Little Words

by leahburke



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Best Friends, Bisexual Character, Coming Out, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Leah POV, gay best friends!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leahburke/pseuds/leahburke
Summary: "Leah sat on the bus rather quietly, — for her mood — rehearsing her words in her head over and over again, for what should be the hundredth time today. "Leah has a huge age secret and the only person she wants to tell it to is her best friend, Simon.





	Two Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends!!!! HERE'S SOME FLUFF AND SOME CUTE STUFF. to make up for the last time hehe, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it love u <3
> 
> ps: i love lgbt bffs and i might write some leah x abby soon AIGHT BYE

Leah sat on the bus rather quietly, — for her mood — rehearsing her words in her head over and over again, for what should be the hundredth time today. She just wanted to get those two little words out. There weren’t a lot of people on the bus, which was odd since the weather outside was awful. It was middle November and she was on the way to Simon’s house and at the moment she couldn’t think of an excuse to tell her mother about why she was going there. She looked out of the window admiring the houses with the Christmas ornaments out and all the streetlights. Christmas was Leah’s favorite holiday, right after Halloween, of course, so she loved the way the streets were set. She felt her phone buzz on her jacket. _“Mom”. Perfect. Today is just great._ She thought as she took a deep breath and picked up.

“Hello?” she said with a small voice.

“Leah? Hi, honey, are you coming home to dinner?”

“Yeah, um I don’t know, I guess.”  Her mind froze. The problem here wasn’t that Leah’s mom didn’t know about her sexuality, Leah had told her mom she was bisexual earlier that year and she actually took it really well, telling her that she’d do some research and if Leah ever needed anything she’d be there to support her in any way she could, but when she’d talked to her mom, asking her for advice they had agreed to wait until the end of the semester to tell Simon because she wouldn’t have to face him for two weeks due to Christmas’ break. She cleaned her throat and waited for something to come up that she could use as an excuse. Literally, anything would work for Leah right now. “I’m headed to Simon’s now. We have uh, a school project we need to work on.” She ended up saying.

“Okay,” Leah heard her mom scoff over the phone. Clearly, she wasn’t convinced, but since it was Simon, Leah assumed her mom would simply just let it go. “Well, there’s probably going to be leftovers on the microwave, if you want. I’ll see you later, honey. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mom,” she said hanging up.

She took a deep breath, turning her head back to the window. She tried relieving her day is her head and she realized she had tried to come out to Simon three times today and eight since the beginning of the week, — in which 5 of them consisted in a text in the middle of class. Now looking back it may not have been a very good idea, still, it was only Tuesday in the afternoon, so it’s probably a lot, she guessed. The only problem was that every time she tried to bring it up he kept changing the subject and, because of the nerves, of course, she always let him.

 **The first time** she tried to tell him was yesterday before Simon got on stage. She’d been struggling all day and she’d hear a few “Are you okay’s” through the day and every time she’d say she had a stomach ache, which wasn’t completely a lie, considering her anxiety seemed to be creeping her out all the time. Ms. Albright was rehearsing with Cal and the others but Simon only showed up on act two so they had quite some time. Ms. Albright told them they shouldn’t go far because Simon had to be on stage in time so they simply stayed in the backstage room, which was really just the seats that were placed behind the curtains in the auditorium, for people to rest when they needed a break.

“So, how is your stomach, any changes?” Simon asked carefully.

“Since you asked me two minutes ago? Not really.” Leah said thinking of the words she’d let out when she came out to her best friend. _“So, I’m bisexual” “Hey listen, I like Abby.” “I never really liked Nick that was all just what everyone assumed and I just; I’m never pissed at Abby or jealous of her because I actually like her.” NO. NO. NO, this has to be perfect; all those lines are nothing but crap. What if he’s not even okay with it? Ugh just shut up Leah._

“So what’s up?” he said and Leah heard footstep coming to their direction.

“Uh, I wanted to tell you something,” Leah said as she saw Nick open the curtains and walking toward them. Damn it, she thought, why now? 

“Yeah, what is it?” Simon asked and Leah froze.

Okay, I can’t tell Simon with Nick here. I can’t tell Simon with anyone in here. As a matter of fact, maybe I can’t tell Simon at all. I need a good excuse, but what can I tell him? Leah thought, her mind going in circles as she felt herself getting dizzy.

“Leah?” She heard Simon’s voice very distant, almost as if he was miles from her. She felt something hard underneath her, a chair maybe and she couldn’t help but sit, for she was feeling weak. Leah forgot to eat today, she just remembered it. Her anxiety usually worked that way, although she didn’t get this anxious too often. She felt her vision blur and come back, just like waves, but she still managed to drink from the glass of water Nick offered her. Her vision came back and she looked at Simon, who had a worried look on his face.

“I, uh, I took your lunch money from your backpack earlier, I was hungry” She ended up saying, watching Simon’s face turn from worry to relief. “But I never used it, so, I just wanted to give it to you. Happy late birthday, Simon” she let out a chuckle followed by a sigh. Simon had laughed along.

 **The second time** was at Simon’s birthday party, also yesterday. Simon’s parents were out of town, visiting Alice in Connecticut with Nora, Bram called saying he was going to arrive a little bit late than he planned. And Abby and Nick were only arriving after that, which left Leah and Simon alone, again. They were in the kitchen setting some appetizers for later. Since they were only four they’d probably just get some snacks and maybe eat some pizza. Leah was kind of sick that day, so she was coughing a lot. And so she did it again, and again, and once again. She finally cleared her throat after coughing for at least a minute.

“Bad day?” Simon said with a chuckle.

“Huh, let’s see. I’m sick, I’m stuck in a kitchen with you, your boyfriend was supposed to help us and he’s not here yet. So, Nah, not having a bad day at all! Pshh!” Leah said with a dash of sarcasm in her voice. Leah always got sassy when she was sick. Bitchy Leah, Simon called it. In freshmen year Simon would text her when she was sick, something like “Is Bitchy Leah out of her cage? Is it safe to drive by?” usually followed by a sweeter messages, wishing for Leah to get better soon and telling her she would always be missed.

“Bitchy Leah, I see.” Simon hissed under his breath while Leah went to the living room putting some of the sets of appetizers on the table.

“I HEARD THAT.” She said loudly from the other room, her voice was followed by a sneeze. Simon did nothing but laugh. Leah came back to the kitchen she was still sneezing and coughing. “Well aren’t you just charming,” Simon said with a chuckle.

“Now it’s not the time for compliments, Simon, we have work to do,” Leah said trying to sound serious.

“I was being sarcastic, Leah.” He said while searching around the kitchen cabinets.

“I know, you idiot,” Leah said and let out another sneeze. “What are you looking for anyway?”

“Mini Oreos” Simon said not taking his eyes off the cabinets.

“We’re having dinner, Simon. We’re not baking a cake” Leah held back a sneeze and rolled her eyes.

“Leah, just let me have my snack. It’s mine and Bram’s snack, okay? JUST LET ME EAT AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.”

“Okay fine,” Leah said her voice cracking.

                “You okay?” Simon said as the bell rang. Damn, fucking good timing. Of course, it had to go wrong. Again! Leah thought. “Yeah, fine. I’ll get that.” She sighed and made her way through the door seeing Abby laughing along to some joke Bram had made. Abby was hugging Nick and as he looked down at her with a goofy smile on her face Leah felt her chest tighten and her heart, break a little once more.

                **The third time…** Oh, the third time. Leah had always thought three was a lucky name, and how wrong could she be. She tried to tell him was after lunch today. She’d sat next to him so she wouldn’t have to speak too loud. Luckily they were the only two people of the gang who were at the school today. Nick was on a lunch date with Abby, so thankfully that wouldn’t be a problem Leah would have to worry about. Bram was home, he had called in sick today, he's excused was that he had the flu, but Leah knew very well he was planning a surprise for Simon. Garrett usually only sat with the gang because of Bram, so today he sat at the table with the rest of the soccer team. That left no one from the group but Leah and Simon having lunch.

Leah felt her hands sweating. She’d tried not to seem too anxious or nervous, but she never even sweated unless she was too angry or too nervous, so, to hide it, she kept her hands in her pockets for as long as possible.

“Have you heard?” Simon said on their way to the cafeteria. The hallways in the school were usually full of people, chilling by their lockers but today the school was almost empty because several classes were on a field trip to some boring place in Brooklyn and Leah wasn’t complaining. If she did come out today she wouldn’t want people to just overhear it.

“What?” Leah said looking over at him with a sick feeling in her stomach.

“Abby and Nick have been fighting a lot lately” A million thoughts went through Leah’s head as she heard this. She knew she would have to pick a side if they broke up, but here’s the thing. Everyone thought she was in love with Nick. And maybe she did feel some sort of platonic love for him, but then… she saw Abby and all her world turned around. Leah cleaned her sweaty palms, picked up a food tray and got in line to get her lunch. She noticed there were some Christmas decorations around the school, as there was last year, except they had snowflakes around the cafeteria instead of only Christmas lights. They made their way to an empty table. “I thought you’d like to hear,” Simon said

“Actually, since you mention it, I have to tell you something,” she said not looking up at Simon.

“Yeah?” he said, “Wait, Bram’s calling, I’m just going to check up on him.” She nodded.

Today’s not the day Leah, she thought, not yet. She sighed rubbing her sweaty pants on her jeans. She looked over at Simon who was smiling as he heard his boyfriend on the phone, probably talking in his fake-sick voice to fool Simon into thinking he was actually home, sick. Simon and Bram had been dating for almost a year, so Bram was pretty excited about this. She sensed Simon come over and cleaned her throat followed by a deep sigh.

“What was it you wanted to tell me?” he said with a bit of excitement in his voice, which he always tried to hide.

“Uh, my mom… She asked if you wanted to come over to dinner later this week” she ended up saying. Leah felt as if all the color from her skin was gone by this point but since Simon wasn’t saying anything she didn’t bother saying anything either.

“Sure,” he said cheerfully “just let me know when” he was smiling now.

“Okay, Simon, spill it out. What are you so excited about?” she said, knowing he couldn’t hold it any longer. He ended up rambling about Bram and how much he loved him, and how sweet he was and how incredible things have been since they started dating. That made Leah’s heart fluff, hoping she would say those exact things about Abby.

***

Leah cleared her head and noticed she was close to the bus stop near Simon’s house was. She focused on the road and on the Christmas decorations again. She had thought about leaving at the wrong stop or maybe even not entering the bus at all but she’d been pushing this for way too long. She took a deep breath while she was preparing herself to leave the bus. She wanted to text Simon but instead, she made her way to the front door knocking slowly. She stepped back and saw Emily and Jack Spier walking out of the door.

“Oh,” Mrs. Spier said almost bumping into Leah on her way out “hi Leah.” She gave her a smile.

“Hi,” she said with a nervous look. 

“Are you okay, dear?” Mr. Spier spoke now, a sympathetic tone in his voice. She nodded.

“Is Simon home?” she asked.

“Yeah, he’s upstairs, come on in.” She did. She took deep breaths counting them in her head.

She went up the stairs quietly and took deep breaths to try and control her anxiety. When she finally reached Simon’s room she knocked softly on the door, Elliot Smith in the background. When she had the silent treatment she knocked once again; nothing.

“Damn it, Simon,” she said knocking again but harder this time. When Simon finally opened she sighed. “Hallelujah,” she said “You should really consider lowering your music every now and then. People actually care to visit you sometimes” Leah said looking around the room. Simon room wasn’t always clean; in fact, it was even clean at all. His bed was unmade, there were Oreo packages spread on the bed and of course, the Elliot Smith references couldn’t be missing on the walls. Even though it was kind of messy, Leah liked the sense of familiarity that it brought her.

“Sorry,” Simon said “What’s up?” he said letting her in.

"I have to tell you something," Leah said "and uh, I’m asking you to be very quiet, okay?" he nodded

"Wait, is this about Nick?" Simon asked "Did he and Abby break up? Oh my god did you and guys kiss?" Simon said with a gasp. “I need to know everything, tell me everything!”

Leah kept thinking of a way of telling him. Suddenly all the words she's rehearsed on her bus ride flew from her mind at high speed and she felt as if she knew no words like she's forgotten how to speak. She felt her skin burning and she struggled to fight to keep her tears back; she felt her breathing hard too.

"Oh my god how am I going to pick a side if they broke up. Will I even have to? They’re two of my best friends; I just can’t do that right?" Simon was saying. Leah felt her chest tighten and her stomach turn. She tried syncing her breaths with her heartbeat but both of them were as fast as an athlete running a marathon.

"Simon," Leah said but she knew her best friend hadn't listened. In fact, he wasn't paying attention at all since he was spiraling so much.

"Simon, stop spiraling," she said again, loudly this time.

"... Should call him.” He was saying “Poor guy, he's probably heartbroken. Or maybe I should call Abby first." he said quickly.

Leah took a deep breath to try and calm down; when that didn’t work she repeated the process over and over but nothing seemed to be working. She could hear Simon rambling in the distance about how Bram would pick Nick's side because of the soccer team and about how he was worried that the whole gang would split up. She couldn't take it anymore, her thoughts were eating her brain up and she couldn't really focus on anything.

"SIMON WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR FUCKS SAKE?" this came out louder than she thought it would but she couldn't stop herself from speaking. This was it. She sighed "Nick and Abby didn't break up. AND NICK AND I DIDN'T KISS. As a matter of fact, this isn't even about Nick. It's about Abby"

“What about Abby? Did she cheat on Nick?” She heard a loud gasp coming out of his mouth "did you and Abby kiss?" he said blinking quickly.

_God, I wish._

"What?" she heard Simon say.

"What?” she repeated

“You said I wish,” he said staring at her now.

“Oh, crap, was that out loud?" she asked quickly watching Simon nod letting out a chuckle.

"Leah," he said, "do you like Abby?"

 _Yes. I freaking do. More than I should._ She thought not being able to bring herself to say those words. She nodded slightly.

"Is that why you've been struggling with talking to me lately?" he asked with a kind tone to his voice.

"Yeah," she said feeling her best friend and pulling her in for a hug, a tight one. She had needed this for a while now and she didn't even know it until now.

"Were you scared I wouldn't be okay with it?" he said into her shoulder not letting go of her. Leah took a deep breath getting off of Simon’s embrace.

"I guess not? I mean not really," she said "I was just nervous. I didn't know what to say to you or how, and everything was just so confusing." she had been keeping this stuff to herself for a while and she felt a wave of relief passing through her chest. “And you kept changing the subject so that didn’t make things exactly better.”

Simon laughed. “Well, I can’t really help it.”

Leah rolled her eyes at this. “Yeah, I know”

"So you never liked Nick?" he asked with a smile on his face now.

"I don't know. I guess I kind of did, for a second... but then Abby came along," she sighed “and then my stomach started hurting every time she was with us, and everyone thought I was jealous of her because of Nick when actually it was the opposite.” She looked at Simon who was still giving her one of his “I’m proud of you” looks; she didn’t even know she had one until now, and she liked it.

"I'm sorry I bothered you today.” She started “I'm not even sure why I wanted to tell you so badly, I just felt like I needed to."

"You never bother me and I'm glad you told me," he said hugging her again.

Leah missed the comfort of her best friend's arms wrapped around her, they made her feel safe and almost like home. And just like that, all was right; all the stress and anxiety and all the fears were gone. She came out to her best friend and she finally felt at ease with herself.

“I love you, Simon” she whispered.

“I love you too, Leah.”

**Author's Note:**

> YOU CAN NOW SUPPORT MY WRITING BY [BUYING ME A COFFEE](https://ko-fi.com/H2H7DRV5)! it would mean the absolute world if you could support me (it's only $3 so pretty please?)


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